Erotic Education and Sex-Negativity

I often teach classes about sex – erotic massage, sexual communication, tantra and the like. Of course most people are just too anxious to even consider coming to a class about sex. Which leads me into a discussion on why that is.

The main reason is, “On some level we are all afraid and ashamed of sex.”

This is no surprise. We live in a profoundly sex-negative culture. Beliefs like, “If I enjoy sex I am a bad person” or “Sex is scary and messy” are conditioned into us from an early age and operate powerfully on our emotions under the surface of our consciousness. Read my friend John Ince’s book The Politics of Lust to get a detailed analysis about the pervasiveness of sex-negativity in our culture and it’s effect on our psyches.

So for most people the mere idea of attending a sex class creates an instant and powerful aversion that is not rational. It does not come from your thinking brain, your neo-cortex, it comes from your feeling/emotional brain also known as the limbic brain.

Check it out for yourself. Just imagine yourself attending a sex class and notice what arises in your thoughts, emotions and body sensations. Seriously try it out. Just take a few deep breaths then imagine attending a sex class and see what happens.

(Pause)

See what I mean. I’m sure the first thing that came up was not pleasant. Perhaps it was a feeling of disgust. Or perhaps you imagined yourself being embarrassed with somebody seeing your body. Or maybe there was a tightening in your belly. Maybe you even imagined some scary stranger making unwanted sexual advances on you.

By the way, what you just did was called a mindfulness experiment – imagining something and then curiously observing your inner reactions to what you imagined.

Interesting isn’t it? Now maybe some of you didn’t have a negative reaction but I would bet most of you did. I’m not saying that you are wrong or bad for having these kind of reactions. It’s not your fault, it’s your conditioning. But my question to you is, “Do you want to have a fantastic sex life and all the health and emotional benefits that go with it, or do you want to let all that sex-negative conditioning continue to suck the vitality and joy out of you?”

You do have choice in the matter. My experience in leading and attending many sex classes is that they yank those nasty sex-negative weeds out of my otherwise beautiful garden of delight which is my natural, God-given, erotic, sensual, sexual being.

“How?” you may ask.

Well the most important thing is the transformative power of community. When you see faces of people at a class – their fears, anxiety and stress about being there, and when you see their courage as well, then you feel your own courage.

And at a certain point in the class something shifts and everyone relaxes and realizes, “This is ok. I’m safe. This is fun and I’m learning new things.” To be in community, your erotic sangha, in the light of day, creates powerful and positive new beliefs about sex like, “It’s good to feel and express my sexual desire!”

The next thing of course is that you can actually learn amazing things about sexual pleasure – how to give it and receive it – that you couldn’t even imagine before. I’m talking real erotic mastery here – learning about the power of your body and sexual pleasure and using that power to nourish yourself and your relationships.

One more thing is just being in the presence of a sex educator. It’s inspiring to see how they model a healthy relationship to sex. It’s just so out of the norm for our culture for anyone to talk openly and easily about sex.

That’s how going to sex class will help you get rid of that nasty sex-negative conditioning.

Ok then why not check out my site and see what classes I’m offering and sign up.

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