One of the joys of having a body is feeling pleasure. But how often, when we are having sex, are we actually feeling pleasure? I’ll use a personal story to make my point.
Not long ago I was getting sexy with my Beloved. We were in the missionary position (it never goes out of style) and I was inside her vigorously pumping away like a sweaty porn star.
Most definitely I was enjoying the playful high energy. Then a thought drifted in from somewhere.
Is there pleasure in what is physically happening to me right now in this moment?
Without stopping the action, I took a moment to direct my attention to the sensations in my penis. I felt pressure, heat and friction; but, these sensations could only be described as neutral. Not unpleasant but not pleasant either. Taking a scan of my body, I noticed that my butt, pelvic floor and abs were clenched. I felt my breath constrained way up in my chest. My face and neck were tense too. Most definitely not pleasant.
In the next moment, I paused the action and relaxed the muscles in my pelvic floor (everything between my tail bone and my pubic bone) and butt. I felt a drop in the excitement level but was rewarded with a sweeping wave of release that travelled up my spine into my head. My breath eased, dropped deep into my belly, and fell into rhythm with my Beloved’s breath. I felt her body soften as we both shifted slightly to find more comfort.
I restarted moving my hips, this time gently just moving my penis a few millimetres in and out. Instantly a palpable electric connection arose between us. She let out a long deep sigh and I felt my heart swell with love. That was definitely pleasure.
Now I’m not saying that pumping away like a porn star or having tension in your body while having sex is wrong. What I am saying is that there can be a different quality of sexual pleasure, some would say deeper, if you can learn to relax, breathe and be aware.
It’s something that I will often gently coach my clients to do while I am giving them a tantric massage. If you have developed a habit of doing sex with lots of tension and activity it can take some practice to learn some new ways. But these news ways can give you access to a whole new pallet of sexual delights.
Pause… Pay attention… Release muscles in tension… Breathe deep… Savour
Practice it with your partner or yourself while self pleasuring. Hey, why not practice it anytime? Find the pleasure in each moment of life.