This bit of writing is especially for couples.
I’d like to make a distinction between Love and Eros. In my opinion most folks tend to confuse these two characters. Like they’re one and the same. My belief is that while they do share a certain affinity, they actually live in quite different neighbourhoods.
In LoveVille everything is well lit, known, routine and comfortable. Love likes it that way. In ErosTown there are plenty of dark corners and you never know who you’re going to meet or what sort of adventure is around the corner. Eros is happy here.
This explains why most sexual relationships tend to be hottest at the start. This new person is a complete unknown and who knows how long they are going to be around. WooHoo take the fast train to ErosTown baby. A year later you decide to to move in together and share your lives with each other. Yay for Love! But pretty soon Eros is feeling neglected in the warm coziness of walks on the beach and quiet nights at home. The next thing you know one partner is in the bedroom reading romance novels and while the other is the den with the webcam going or worse. You know the story. Maybe you even have your own version.
So what I’m saying is that if you want to have both Love and Eros together in that relationship, after the initial infatuation (insanity??) wears off, you have to put some attention and effort into making that happen. And frankly I don’t know have any easy answers on how you are going to do that. Every relationship and every person’s desires are unique. You gotta be bold and find your own way.
I do have a couple of ideas of where you might start though.
One suggestion would be to come for a tantric erotic massage with me, or my wonderful partner in pleasure Casey, or both of us together. There’s always power in adding another person to the mix. It’s one of the most common sexual fantasies out there for good reason. But for most couples who are just dipping their toes into the shallow end, this can be really edgy territory. Who knows what this new person will bring! The thing about hiring a professional(s) is that you can be sure that the experience will cater to your desires and limits. Casey and I both have worked with lots of couples and we can truthfully say that we’ve never had anything less than a fun time and sometimes it’s been ecstatic or deeply healing. We are truly pros when it comes to navigating these waters consciously.
If coming for a private session seems like too big a leap you could try coming to one of my live erotic massage demonstration classes. They all take place at a very classy sex shop, The Art of Loving in Vancouver. So the setting is very sexy to start with. These classes are real live demos of two people having sex (with hands) in ways that will probably be new to you. You’ll learn a lot and I hope you’ll even get turned on. You can relax in knowing that you don’t have to take your clothes off. Most people are a bit nervous at first but my models and I are great at putting you at ease. You’ll be fine. We’ve done this before. Everyone leaves smiling.
My upcoming classes are listed here.
Please sign up in advance online or by calling the Art of Loving at 1-888-294-1821. Sometimes these classes get cancelled if not enough people register.
Ok so there are some ideas – there are more below and on my website. Also if you’d like to read a great book on the subject of keeping your sex life alive and kicking in a committed relationship I highly recommend Mating
In Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence It’s just awesome. Written by a woman, Esther Perel, who knows her stuff.
I always enjoy your comments and hellos as well. Drop me a line. Come for a session.
With Love and Eros,