For example, this morning: I was cuddled up to my love in bed, both of us half asleep, my hand resting on her inner thigh, lightly touching her pussy.
She gave a little grunt and a shake of her leg and said, “Could you move your hand, I don’t like the pressure there.”
I replied, “Sure babe. Thanks for not enduring touch that doesn’t feel good.”
Oh God how many relationships could have been saved from failure if only those little phrases could have been voiced. How many warm intimate moments and hot juicy fucks might have ensued had these plain words been spoken.
These words spring from an inner power and confidence.
When she speaks them she claims her body and pleasure as her own. She doesn’t put on a smile, and play nice like a good girl, to try to please me or avoid confrontation. The subtext is, “If you’re going to touch me it’s got to feel good to me. Period.”
“Could you move your hand, I don’t like the pressure there.” There’s no blame for me, and no victim in her, in those words. Just a direct request based on the irrefutable evidence of her body sensations. Clean, short and confident.
For myself, there’s just acceptance. I do not disintegrate into a heap of shame and start making myself wrong. I don’t withdraw from the connection.
Or, at the other extreme, I don’t turn into the nasty angry patriarch. “Well, I know how to touch a woman! You should be grateful that I’m an expert lover!”
Nope, none of that. Just, “Sure babe. Thanks for not enduring touch that doesn’t feel good.” I defer to her knowing of what feels good in her body. I’m grateful that I can rely on her to guide my touch if necessary.
And I just move my hand down her leg a few inches.
There’s immense freedom here. The freedom to actually reach out and touch her. Plus the relief of not having to second guess myself – which allows me to relax into our connection and give touch that is pleasurable.
Simple things make all the difference.