For almost three years now I have been training in a form of emotion and body centred psychotherapy called Hakomi. This method, the life work of visionary Ron Kurtz who just recently passed away, is a synthesis of ancient spiritual practices and the most leading edge science on the workings of the brain/mind/emotion/body phenomena.
I want to be clear that I’m not yet a certified Hakomi practitioner and what happens in my sessions with clients is not pure Hakomi. However through my study and practice of Hakomi I’ve gained powerful tools and an understanding of the healing process which has greatly influenced my work as a sexual healer. I’ve been wanting to write about this for a long time.
My desire in this writing process is to advance the conversation around hands-on sexual healing into the realm of science while keeping it accessible to people. Right now there is way too much of a spiritual, new age, Tantra bias in my profession. It really turns most people away I believe. I’d like to remove that barrier so that more people will be attracted to this work as practitioners and clients. On a personal note I’ve changed the tagline for my website from “Where Spirit and Senses Unite” to “Feel the Power of Erotic Freedom” to reflect my own move away from this spiritual bias. Not that this work isn’t spiritual, it’s just that talking about the spiritual is better left to poets.
Another reason for my writing is to organize my own knowledge and experience. I believe that I’m actually one of quite a small number of people who are practicing hands on sexual healing work and engaging in a rigorous certification process in a recognized psychotherapeutic modality. So my perspective is rare and important.
This is my own first attempt at organizing an immense amount of theory and experience into a coherent whole so please bear with me. It’s not going to come out in a single entry to my blog. There are going to be lots of them. I think if I am able to get a posting out once every couple of weeks (or once a month) I’ll be doing well. There’s a book in here somewhere.
So broadly mapping out the territory here’s what I’d like to have a look at:
• Defining, in general terms, what “healing” is.
• Describing the elements of the therapeutic relationship. The importance of safety, client/therapist connection, and loving-presence which are paradoxically both the goals of the healing process and the context within which the healing process occurs.
• An understanding of holographic nature of human beingness or how our neural/emotional/biological/cognitive/perceptional/behavioural/interpersonal relationship processes all affect each other and influence the entire system. This is going to be a wide ranging look at the science around core emotional systems, the adaptive unconscious, attachment theory, developmental psychology, neural plasticity and evolutionary neural biology. (Oh God I really hope I don’t get in over my head here.)
• The importance of mindfulness (in the Buddhist sense) in the healing process, especially developing the capacity to stay in awareness of the sensorimotor aspect of being (or how learning to be embodied is key to the healing process).
• Reframing the healing process as, experimental and playful self-study of unconscious survival adaptations leading to freedom and choice, rather than, fixing something that’s wrong.
• The role of physical and emotional nourishment. How getting “the missing experience” changes everything and how the practice of engaging in sexual touch with your therapist (ok we’re in radical territory here, I know) can be a really good thing.
• An understanding of the cultural biases around sexuality, especially shame, and how integrating sexuality in all of it’s aspects (lust, nurture, play, exploration, socio-bonding and spirituality) into the whole of one’s being is an essential part of the healing and self-actualization process.
Ok as I write this down I know I am setting myself up for a big task (or a big failure). So I ask you to bear with me and even help me out if you can. If you don’t understand something please let me know. If you have a personal experience which elucidates a point I am trying to make please share it with me. If you think I am way off the mark please correct me. If you are at home waiting for the next instalment please write me and encourage me to get writing. Really I can’t do this alone.
For myself, since this is my first crack at this – and it’s a blog not a book at this point. I’m giving myself permission to not get it perfect and to write in a way which works for me instead of worrying too much about my punctuation and my audience. I trust that those who need to get this will get it.
That’s it for today. Stay tuned.